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This is Palm Desert, Ca. time...

Sunday, January 17, 2016

New Beginnings!

Bear with me- Im gonna come right out and say it-

I am divorcing Jeff. 



I am divorcing Jeff because I have been unhappy for a long time and he didn't carry his weight financially or emotionally.  Period.

So where are we now?

 I chose a mediator instead of getting lawyers. I wanted 'us' to decided who gets what.
This actually worked out very well for us and there was no fighting, yelling or screaming at any time.
Yes, I cried- in private. Yes, I was devastated to divorce Jeff. Yes, I miss him terribly sometimes. Yes, I still love him- BUT...I do not respect him as a wife respects her husband.

He has proven over the years to only do what he wants to do and has done nothing to continue family traditions, improve the connections within our family or make sound financial decisions.

I have not felt loved for a long time.

Yes we went to Marriage Encounter, yes we went to counseling (several different times) for awhile, but he just seemed to not care or try.

LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO BE UNLOVED OR CARED FOR. Especially when it comes to your children too!
(I am not saying Jeff didn't love his children- he does, very much. He just never showed it)

So now what?

Jeff moved out of the house Feb. 15th and the kids and I stayed in the house until it sold. It sold May 2nd and I bought a new house May 2nd! Talk about stressful!  Thank goodness my parents came to town to help! It was touch and go there for me, for awhile!

Due to school- I have the kids through the week and Jeff takes them on the weekends. Because we decided to be open about everything- the kids really can come and go and Jeff and I don't have strict rules about who goes where when.
Jeff and I get along FABULOUSLY now. No- seriously! I mean that!

I hug him when I see him, we have family dinners out, he has helped me with things around the house that need fixing, I have watched his cats while was was away, helped him pack and move, we text all the time....

It makes a huge difference when you are not obligated to do something.
For soooooo long I was very angry at having to be obligated to be the head of the family. I did not want that role. I wanted Jeff to take that role. I expected him to put in his 100% and we make decisions together-parent together-love together..... (my parents are my role model)

So life is great now!  Different, but great!   I think Jeff and I are both very happy at being free and doing our own things.
He really spends time with the kids now! He is living on his own terms and being a responsible adult. I am very proud of him.

But wait- there's more....

My new place is great! I LOVE LOVE LOVE having my own place! It is not far from the old one and not far from Jeff either. We wanted to stay in the same town for the sake of the kids. It is working out very well!

Kids are doing good. It has definitely been hard on them too. They are not forthcoming in sharing their feelings, but I think they are slowly learning we both are not going anywhere and we both love them.

Cope had a hard freshman year, and did not end the year well at all. It was a constant struggle with him- alone. I had to bear that burden of keeping him going.
He has always wanted to be in some kind of military something- so thanks to the recommendation from mom- we looked into a military school for him. There were several and one in Carlsbad, Ca. that looked good! I checked it out with the kids and grandparents and Cope was hooked. Grandpa took him to the Open House and it was a done deal!
He started on July 5th for the summer JROTC Leadership Program and Im posting on FB if you want to see.  This has been his first real time away from home and I constantly think about him and miss him.

Tierney is home with me and Dad. Her scholarship to the Music Festival in Idyllwild didn't work out so she won't be going this summer. That is okay- I don't know what I'd do if she was gone too! LOL
This Christmas she will be in Australia for 2 weeks with choir- so all is well!

My school has been my rock. I have an incredible partner that I teach Science with and he has kept me sane.

Now Im trying to work on all the weight Ive gained back. Seems like all my life Ive been up and down. Ive been looking back at pics and 2012 was my skinniest year. I need to get back into shape and want so desperately to feel fantastic! :)   So that is my goal I will work on this year!

So you are now all caught up! 

I plan on blogging more- as it has helped me keep an eye on myself! I hope you keep on reading and don't forget to check out my FB page for updates on Cope and the family!


Love you!

At 8th grade Science Camp in Malibu- kids were chaperones!

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